In our prime

But for Captain Nat Coulter, self proclaimed coach of the year, a man who can be described as anything but average it was a day to finally action his mission to prove his side as worth in a first home game of the season.

Spirits were high as the teams warmed up prime-arily due to Adam’s consumption of a KSI flavoured energy drink. Oh dear.

The starting whistle blew and it was a fairly even start for the 2 teams before newcastle started mounting up the pressure and making the first breakthrough following a spate of short corners. Sunderland quickly equalised, a very decent reverts stick from the short corner beating keeper Tom at his near post.

Not to have heads down newcastle decided it was time to further mount up the pressure and began to dominate the game. Another short corner and a lovely back post deflection following a powerful, expert drive from Lawson, Newcastle found themselves 3-1 up.

A crowd had begun to gather on the sidelines, not just for Ed’s good looks and bench chat, but to watch some top quality hockey. They arrived just in time to see a contender for goal of the season. A long overhead ball from the back was brought down by Paddy B who played the ball across the near post. All thought the chance was lost, but out of nowhere Alex Lawson arrives sliding in on the near post and expertly slots the ball into the goal on the reverse deflection.

This is when the game turned. Sunderland heads were gone and there was some very questionable chat going around. Someone decided to insult Paddy Bennett’s headband and that was the final straw for the newcastle players who decided to end Sunderland’s season before it began.

An off the ball incident undetected by umpires heightened tensions as Sunderland snuffed a newcastle counter attack and shortly after the half time whistle blew.

A few short words of praise from captain Nat and a quick sip of prime for Adam and the game was back underway. Newcastle started well after the break with a drag flick from a short. Whilst I don’t want to stoke the ego of this man it has to be said that this made a hattrick for John.

Following a large aerial ball from the back Will Tweddle was released into a 1 on 1 with the opposition GK. Goalkeeper completely misinterprets the landing and is left in no mans land and all that’s left to do is for the lanky blonde lad to poke the ball into the net. Shockingly, the keeper moves at what can only be described as superhuman speed and somehow gets behind the ball. Incredible save of the season for the lad.

Johnny scored a goal that I don’t remember. Then will tweddle pokes one in at the back post. Unfortunately whilst reeling away in celebration he comes out with some questionable (but funny) chat which the umpires regarded as apparently abhorrent resulting in a disappointing green card.

Another controversial incident occurred at this point when another off the ball incident involving a sunderland player going into a tackle against John like a prime Roy Keane. Further facts are not to be disclosed at this time. Sadly for the Broom man this was the only attack of the afternoon he was actually involved in.

10 men newcastle were struck again when John M made an exceptionally bad tackle in the eyes of the umpires. In a shocking twist of events he disagreed with this decision. However, it gave the lads a good chance to have a natter in the sin bin. Another man who loved a good natter was one of the opposition. He earned himself a yellow card from chat back to the ref.

With Twedds back on the pitch it was time for him to show his skill. He tapped the ball in on the back post for a second goal of the afternoon. Shortly after in a 1 on 1 with the keeper he produced a piece of skill that nobody could replicate. This resulted in the ball going into space from essentially the goal line and earned him a big vote for DoD. Poor lad must try harder.

Johnny scored another goal that I can’t remember. Then the game ended.

The lads had some good news after the game and Lawson earned himself man of the match. Everyone returned to the pub in high spirits.

By William Tweddle