Paddy Bennett: A Tale of Two Goals

Starting the day off well, interim skipper Lawson won the toss and chose smartly to switch ends, due to Tommy Mac’s epic meteorological knowledge that the already bright sun would only get worse in the second half. We started the game strongly, applying pressure to a Norton defence whose average age was probably brought down to about 45, only thanks to a 15 year old playing at left back. Shortly after Lawson was unceremoniously upended, screaming “howay man f***ing hell” as he fell (the first of many tackles that wouldn’t have looked out of place in Twickenham), the mighty Toon took the lead through Mr Pneumonia himself Paddy Bennett, who on his second attempt, slotted a well worked piece of play past the keeper from short range, somehow getting Ben G an assist.

Unfortunately the lead didn’t last long. Thanks to some slightly dodgy umpiring to say the least, Norton equalised through a short corner leaving us all slightly dumbfounded at the multitude of varying reasons the umpire made up for awarding the short. Nonetheless, we picked ourselves up and dominated the remainder of the first half, with the only noteworthy moments being me going down twice in 30 seconds after being hit first with the ball, then taking a stick to the head (which somehow earned me a DoD vote Mike??). Halftime 1-1.

Sadly there were no Percy Pigs on show for the halftime team talk, as JZ clearly doesn’t shop at M&S like Robbo. After a turbulent first half from the umpires, we were given a polite warning for complaining about decisions too often with Bad Boy Lawson, as he was affectionately called by James, supposedly being the main culprit - again we were left slightly dumbfounded.

Beginning the second half, I was questioning whether Lawson had had a few pre match pints, as he decided to put Nathan at left wing. Again, we started the half strongly, utilising John’s aerials and the blinding sun, with JZ being on the receiving end and winning a short corner. John did what John does best, and rifled the ball into the top corner, giving Norton’s 5ft keeper no chance of stopping it. 2-1 Newcastle.

After yet another dubious decision from Norton’s 12th and 13th men, they pulled a scrappy goal back from a short corner - 2-2. As with Norton’s first goal, we immediately moved up a gear and applied the pressure wearing down their aging defence time and time again. With 15 minutes to go, JZ gets the ball in the circle and swings for a tomahawk hit and somehow loops the ball over to the back post where Paddy, like a prime Ben Stokes, smashes a volley into the back of the net. 3-2 Newcastle.

Trying to protect our lead, Dom stepped up to the plate. He obviously took some notes from our opposition and managed to forget which sport he was playing and momentarily played both rugby and football, somehow avoiding giving away any free hits, let alone getting a card. And to top it off, he produced the best dummy stop I have witnessed on a hockey pitch, baffling both himself and the Norton forward. The mighty Toon saw out the game, with a well deserved 3-2 win.

MoM: Dom
DoD: Nat (shock)

Match report: Matt Thomson