Newcastle approached this game looking to bounce back with a win after suffering a first defeat since November 2021 last weekend. The squad had been boosted by the arrival of two new lads, Tom and Paddy, who both made their eagerly anticipated debuts. With unofficial club anthem Rasputin by Boney M blaring out loud, we made our way to the pitch ready for a derby game against (Very) local rivals JPC. Some of the squad opted to warm up with an impromptu game of volleyball, using a football goal and a mini basketball, but the less said about the volleyball ‘skills’ on show the better.

Both teams started the game brightly, with the first five minutes being played at a fairly rapid intensity. Newcastle won a short corner after a run down the right, and the first goal of the game arrived via a trademark John Mc drag flick. 1-0 to the toon.

The second goal followed after a good run by James R down the left, who then played it to Lawson via the keepers pads. No shouts of “No man” this time, Lawson couldn’t miss. 2-0 Toon.

Another short corner led to another goal from John Mc, who chose to put this drag flick bottom left rather than top right. Different place but the same result, 3-0 Newcastle.

HT: Newcastle 3-0 JPC

Newcastle started the second half very well, winning a short corner early on and converting it into a fourth goal. John Mc played it to the back post, and it was scrambled over the line by Nat, the keeper saving the initial effort but Nat tucking home the rebound. 4-0.

A fifth followed soon after, and it was from another short corner. The drag flick was saved by the keeper, and it fell to David Marshall (Stand in injector while Mike was off the pitch), who showed the forwards how it’s done and cooly slotted home into the bottom corner. David couldn’t hide his delight at the goal. A CB who defends well and scores goals, he’s the full package !

Paddy got his first goal and Newcastle’s sixth after a rebound fell to him in the D. Paddy showed great composure and buried his effort into the back of the net. Welcome to the club Paddy ! Hopefully more where that came from !

After a great passage of play involving Newcastle switching from left to right, Mike laid the ball off to Tom who received it top D, and unleashed a powerful strike that the keeper couldn’t keep out. Another new lad getting a debut goal ! Welcome to the club to you too Tom ! 7-0 Toon.

The eighth and final goal of the game came from a surging run from defence from Robbo Aldini, who drove into the D from the right and squared a pass to Johnny who grabbed his first goal of the season, a lovely drive into the far corner. FT: Newcastle 8-0 JPC

Worth mentioning that many people played well today, but in particular the defence were fantastic, with Ed, John, David and Al all being calm, composed and confident on the ball, and helping Mark to earn another clean sheet. The defenders union doing themselves proud.

Other notable moments from the match included Nat almost getting carded for a foul Johnny committed, with Johnny first encouraging Nat to “Take one for the team” before accepting the green card for himself.

Benny van der Grenyer has now been rechristened Van Der GREENyer after receiving his first ever card in a hockey match for a dodgy tackle. True to his roots, he committed the foul and then held his hands up as if to say “I didn’t do anything” in Chiellini esq fashion.

Onto next week, when Newcastle face a tricky Hild Bede side at Maiden Castle.