Conversations with Chris

After a run through the tactics and a stirring rendition of Flower of Scotland from David, which reduced Brian to a bubbling mess in the corner, our captain laid down the rules about chatting to the umpires. We all nodded enthusiastically, clearly having not listened at all and strolled onto the pitch under the rolling clouds and rain.

We started strongly, with David Marshalling (hahahaha) the troops from the back and controlled passing which led some good D entry and a short corner. As Keith prepared to inject both the ball into the D, as well as tears into the veins of the Marton players, I’m reliably informed that Matt T was heard muttering “I am John McAlery” to himself as he prepared to flick. His manifestation of John clearly worked as he forced a good save from the keeper, with Keith on hand to gobble up the rebound. 1-0 to the mighty 2s.

Marton, spurred on from going behind, found their way into the 23 through some direct play and earned themselves an innocuous free hit. Cue Chris ‘the chihuahua’ letting rip at the umpire. The pre-game words of David having fallen on deaf ears. The free hit was upgraded to a short corner and they hit one bottom corner. It was alright. 1-1.

Disaster, like a London bus, came twice in a minute as Liam’s knee, driving him from the defence, buckled, and he went down with an agonising cry. A quick reshuffle saw Robin move into the midfield as Kev and Luke shored up the defence. We managed to grind out the rest of the half – no more goals, but Robin did turn two of the midfielders inside out, V-dragging the ball all over the pitch to leave Brian drooling on the sidelines.

The second half started with Robin moved back into the defence, and boy, did the party get started. He picked off a ball destined for a Marton stick in the D, strode past 14 of their players in perpetual contrapposto pose, before lifting an aerial that would’ve made John’s belly go all warm and fuzzy, down the line. It was leapt upon by the forward, but sadly, not converted on the occasion, although it was a sign of things to come. More glorious play from the team resulted in a short corner. A masterful injection from Keith, dummying the ball to Brian at the top castle, sending it instead to Matt’s reverse stick, resulted in Matt adjusting to cream a glorious drive into the bottom right corner to put the 2s ahead.

Minutes later, Marton, inspired by Robin’s virtuoso aerial ability, threw an aerial directly down the centre of the pitch. Kev, having just finished watching a Harry Potter marathon on Netflix, waved his stick at the ball, incanting ‘windgarium leviosa’ as it flew towards him. Sadly, his magical abilities had deserted him and the ball, rather than arresting itself in mid-air, went past his stick and landed at waist height of a Marton forward, who, to his credit, volleyed one first time past Chris. Good finish, to be fair. 2-2.

Not to be disheartened, the 2s drove forward again with Matt finishing off a flowing passing move to scoop past the keeper and make it 3-2. I don’t really remember this goal but picture Brighton’s 30-odd past goal vs Man U the other week and you’ll get the gist of it.

Game management was next on the agenda, with the defence and midfield passing the ball with confidence and control that made David’s dreams all come true. Matt got bored of all this and decided to chuck a square-ial from one side of the pitch to the other. Matt is hereby banned from lifting the ball above ankle height until the end of the season, such was the inaccuracy of his cross-field ball. One last Marton attack was in the offing though. With just seconds on the clock, they managed to get themselves a short corner. The crowd of three held their collective breath. We shouldn’t have worried, Chris had learnt their ways from the first goal and threw out a right boot to shepherd the ball to safety. The game was won and the 2s march on.

MoM: Robin
DoD: Chris

Match report : Robin Inkersole