But somehow, I find myself writing this match report…

We arrived at the venue by car in heavy rain only to find the most appropriate mode of transport for the game was probably a boat given the pond on the astroturf at Austin Friars. I mean I know the plan for the club is to go Ship chasing this year, but not literally. Given said flooded pitch the game was very much up in the air. Carlisle made a valiant effort to clear the wetland by using a goal as a makeshift cricket roller. After 15 minutes of hard graft, it was evident the pitch couldn’t be fully cleared, and it was decided the show must go on.

Winning the coin toss Matt W decided we would start the game in the swamp end of the pitch, so the defence would be playing water polo on an unpredictable pitch for the first half. Clearly deciding to double down here on last week when opting to play directly into the bright flares of the sun.

It was GAME TIME! (And a good one!!) The whistle went to begin the match and Newcastle’s defensive frigate of Calum Stonks, Kurran, Conner, Andy, Guy, and myself did a great job to supress Carlisle’s fleeting attacks in the swamp while we were helped by Aaron and whEEEler in midfield. Unfortunately, Carlisle also did a great job of stopping the threatening attacks from Ollie, Joel, Luke, Hawk, Steven, David, and Matt B at the other end of the ground. And so, the two sides went to the half nil’s-a-piece.

The second half was more eventful and before we knew it, we were a goal ahead with a cool finish by Joel. Goals soon followed from the Hawk, but not before a penalty flick won and scored by Ollie. Cruising at 3-0 up we let our guard down and conceded from a phantom short corner awarded by the man in yellow to make it 3-1.

Not sure said umpire was my biggest fan and I did feel like I was walking on hot coals in the second half. Something a couple of our teammates know all too well having done a sponsored firewalk a few days ago, managing to raise hundreds of pounds for charity. Well done and fair play to Matt B and Steve for that! Andy was glad Steve made it through unscathed.

Final whistle 3-1 win…

Steve had the sensible idea the team should get the train back to Newcastle after the game stopping at a couple of pubs in Carlisle, Haltwhistle, Hexham, Corbridge, Riding Mill, Wylam, and Newcastle. A flawless plan to which we agreed. The picture above is from Newcastle’s Number 1 Chicken House, the final destination for most us that night… Just what we needed after a cluck load of beers. A big thanks to Will and the team for looking after us and to the man in the picture who did a great job getting us all back to Newcastle on time, in one piece, and without a police escort.

It was a toppa day where Assistant to the Co-Captain Kurran discovered he can slide faster than he can run, at least he didn’t showcase his talent on the Coop’s staircase (Will’s saving that tape for rainy day). Ollie decried he’s faster than Matt B, a claim reaffirmed on Hexhams athletics track. We discovered the only reason Aaron doesn’t train with the 2s is because he hates Wednesday. Guy displayed his impressionist skills. Wheeler found his Smog doppelganger and the Hawk discovered he’s a great target for peanuts, train seats are wearable, and he plans a 1st class pub crawl. Cheers Adam!

Match report John Carr